Day 2 

Yesterday went great exercise and diet wise. 

When I woke up I had a yogurt when I took my pills and spent awhile psyching myself up a bit and preparing myself mentally for the anxiety I would be facing.

I went for a walk down one of the nearby streets and back and it totals 2.7 miles. I could tell right away that I was out of shape because my lower back was hurting and my ankles were sore, but luckily there are a few bus stops along the street for me to sit down at. I remember getting to the first stop and texting Bob to let him know that I only made it that far. I was disappointed and frustrated and so I sat there for a bit stretching and rotating my ankles. When I got up and started coming back to the house I felt better and it was like a switch went off in the back of my head, I am going to go as far as I can before I turn back, yeah the walk back is going to suck but I want to push myself and if I just stopped when things began getting hard I wouldn’t make much progress. I just kept walking and walking and kind of got into the music I had on and I checked Pokémon Go every once in awhile to see if I hatched any eggs and what Pokémon were nearby, by the time I knew it I made it to the end of the street. I crossed the street and started coming back. By that time I knew that I already had a pretty big blister on the top of my right foot. I stopped at each bus stop along the way for little rest time and to rotate my ankles some more. I made it home and felt relieved, and excited. I survived.

The whole time I was worrying about the house and thinking someone was going to break in be seal everything and the cats would run away. I was worried that someone would come up behind me while I was walking and would attack me or drive their car up on to the curb and hit me. I was thinking that someone would try and steal my phone and how I would be too warn out to run away or chase after someone.

As soon as I got home I took off my shoes and my feet felt a million times better, then I took a shower and drank lots of water and sat down to relax for a bit. I knew that even though I felt like I had just won the first war that I was only halfway done with the day, I needed to stick with my diet. I hadn’t really prepared to have healthy food in the house so I made due with what we had. I had a lean cuisine and a bag of steamed veggies for dinner and felt full.

I usually end up taking a nap during the day but surprisingly I wasn’t that tired and I stayed up until the Seahawks game came on and that kept me entertained until Bob got home from work. Staying up after Bob got home was a struggle though, I was pretty tired, but then again I usually do get tired before Bob anyway (once I get a new CPAP machine and get on the right settings I will finally get a good nights sleep) I slept terrible to be honest. It took me awhile to fall asleep and I woke up a couple times. 

I ended up waking up around 4 and was hungry. I couldn’t think of anything healthy to eat but I knew that I had some microwaveable salt and vinegar flavored potatoes. I knew I shouldn’t but I had them. I convinced myself by saying that if I didn’t have them now I would have them another time. I hate wasting money and throwing away anything so I knew I would have to eat them.

Anyways I went back to bed and tried to get back to sleep. I finally managed to get a little bit more sleep. 

I woke up this morning and had my usual yogurt with my meds. Bob had to work again today, but he didn’t have to go in until later so I decided to go for a walk while he was home because that would eliminate half of my anxiety. 

The walk today was much easier, even though I felt like I was off to a bad start when I realized I forgot both my glasses and my hat. Luckily it wasn’t that warm yet so I didn’t sweat as much as yesterday, but I did have my sweat rag in my pocket to help keep the sweat out of my eyes. I decided to try my walk today without my Dr Schulls custom orthotics and honestly my feet felt way better today both during the walk and after. I kept repeating in my head during the walk the phrase that Jeff Probst said that stuck in my head “(going from) fearful to fearless” and it was helping motivate me. 

I know I have to get better with my diet, next time Bob and I go shopping we will have to fill our propane tank (finally) so that I can start cooking food on the stove. I know I can stick to a diet if I have the food readily available, My OCD acted up a few years ago and I went on a crazy 500 calorie a day diet for a month and got all the way down to 200 pounds. I am not going to diet anything like that again, but I did pick up some nice tricks from that diet like having a meal replacement bar with a whole lot of water to replace a meal and I also know that I can stick to having the same food every day. 

I am thinking I will do 2-3 eggs with some sausage for breakfast, and a mix of yogurt and snacks like celery and peanut butter, flavored almonds, or salad, and then pork chops for dinner or I can stick to my lean cuisines for dinner.

I wish we had a Planet Fitness nearby, it would be nice to have an affordable gym close by so I could use work out equipment and learn to lift weights. I would probably be too nervous and anxious to go to a gym on my own anyway. 

Anyways, day two seems to be off to a decent start. I’m hoping it will continue to be good.

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