Giving it another shot

As some of you who are friends of mine on Facebook might remember, I at one time owned a clothing company called Bear Apparel. I owned a URL, made a website, had business cards, and had quite a few shirt designs made up. Long story short, a lot of people said they would buy shirts from me, but when it came time for me to get the first batch of shirts printed nobody wanted to buy a shirt. It turned out that the printing costs were significantly higher than I was initially told. The company crashed and burned and I ended up losing a couple hundred dollars in the process.

Graphic design has always been something I enjoyed ever since I first discovered it back in my Sophomore year of high school. I have been self taught and kind of take pride in that, everything I can do and make is all me. Yes I did take graphic design classes in high school, but we were never really had lessons, it was more or less a class where you decided what to work on. By my senior year I was actually teaching different techniques and effects to my classmates. After high school was when I really grew as a graphic designer because I had a lot of free time and could do large projects at my own pace.

As I mentioned in my last entry on here, I recently moved to Florida with my boyfriend. We don’t have a car yet, so we are both kind of stranded at home all day long. I haven’t messed around in Photoshop since around late May, and I have been getting the urge to just open up Photoshop and see what happens. The other day I finally got around to doing that, and I mostly just messed around for a few hours and made this space scene-

Space Scene

Just doing a small project like that got me hooked again and as a result, I started making some shirt designs. At first they were all just random and I was just trying new stuff out. The first shirt I designed was a grunge style one and you can see I wasn’t really trying-

Rib shirt on shirt templateI knew I wanted some text in the design and I couldn’t think of anything to write, so I just took the words from this picture with a really nice quote that I try to think of and remind myself of.

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After doing that first shirt design I wanted to challenge myself more, and do more clean designs and I figured I would do a second “line”. I didn’t go with Bear Apparel because that was another time in my life and it’s honestly not good memories for me. I knew I wanted to do designs geared towards the bear community since the majority of my friends on Facebook are bears and also because the vision I had of clean designs I have never really seen in that market. Most of the bear geared designs I have seen in bear shops are explicit, and honestly I find them kind of annoying. I would love to have a good bear themed shirt that I could wear around that isn’t in your face when it comes to sex. Hell on a sort of related note, I had a hat that I bought from a bear shop that I really liked the colors and the design, I seriously wore this hat everywhere I went for a year and a half and I knew that the brand was called Nasty Pig. I figured it was just a brand name and didn’t really mean much. I mean I knew the brand makes a bunch of underwear and jockstraps and stuff, and I thought it was just a reference to being slightly kinky. It wasn’t until a friend of mine made a reference to what “pigs” are in the bear community that I found out what the name was referring to and I honestly bought a new hat within a week of finding that out and I haven’t wore that hat since. I guess I am just too reserved and shy when it comes to the image that I want to project to others that, I am honestly embarrassed and slightly afraid to wear any of the bear stuff I have seen to date. My fake line is meant for people like me, that want to show off that they are bears, but in a more reserved way and not be all in your face about it.

Here are the designs I have made so far for the line-

Vintage 2 Vintage Cursive Grizzly Threads Crest Bear Grizzly Threads Crest Paw Grizzly Threads Default Le Fleur Pride Camo Paw Pride Camo Prideful BearI really like my designs so far. I would honestly wear anyone of them if I saw them for sale in a bear shop. I like looking at them because it shows a tremendous amount of design growth for me since the Bear Apparel days. I am doing a way better job of finding good fonts and pairing them well with others. Also I am doing a good job of doing simplistic/minimalistic designs, without over doing them.

Last night I was bored while watching the football game and I did a random search for the Grizzly Apparel (which is what I was using on the shirts as a brand name, I have since changed all of the stuff over to Grizzly Threads) and it turned out that Grizzly Apparel is already being used by a company and from what I could tell by their website, they are geared towards rednecks (they sell confederate flags). I wasn’t at all thinking of my stuff as actual shirt designs that will be printed, but finding out that the brand name I was using was already taken kind of upset me. I mean I didn’t even feel comfortable having the designs posted any longer because I didn’t want anyone to mistakenly think that I was at all affiliated with that company. So I began thinking of another name to use and a friend actually messaged me on Facebook and suggested Grizzly Threads and it kind of stuck with me. So this morning my little project was to change all of the designs over to Grizzly Threads. In the process of doing that my mind started racing a bit and it kind of felt like I felt back when Bear Apparel was first starting up. Like I said I would be proud to wear any of these designs, and I think that’s a huge difference between Grizzly Threads and Bear Apparel. With Bear Apparel I was just making designs and calling them shirt designs. I probably would have only wore 2 or 3 of those designs that I had made back then. Over the last couple days people have been commenting, liking, and sharing my new designs and it started to make me think that maybe people would want to where them too.

I was both excited and apprehensive. I would love to one day be able to see someone that I don’t know wearing something I created, I think that would be one of the greatest feelings ever. I don’t want to make the same mistake that I made with Bear Apparel and kind of count my chickens before they hatch, or in that case it was sales. So this afternoon I decided to just go for it. I made a Cafepress site and posted all of my designs on there. I am not expecting sales or anything, I am just putting the designs there to see what happens. I mean who knows maybe someone on there will stumble across one of my designs and like it enough to want to buy it. Once I get some extra money saved up I think I might actually buy a few of my designs. I would actually buy one of each, but that would be too much money. I am just going to let it be what it is, if I get sales, then that’s great, if I don’t then I at least gave it a shot and won’t be left wondering what could have been. In the mean time I still have the fun of using Photoshop and keeping busy with new projects.

If you are interested in buying one of my designs, you can go here to check out the prices- Grizzly Threads

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Where Everything Falls Into Place

QuoteBelieve it or not, I actually don’t look forward to blog updates. I don’t mean to put them off as much as I do though. This place is my private place, one where I can choose what to share and what to keep private. I can choose to let you all in, or I can decide to keep you out and keep everything inside. I really liked doing this blog like 6 months ago (I may not have updated it as often as I should have, but it was not something I dreaded doing. Since then some things have been stewing in my head. I made a post earlier this year that I took down in early July for dumb reasons. I posted about my personal life and about real struggles that I have, and someone took it upon them self to take the most personal thing I have ever shared on here and made me feel guilty for it, and in turn I deleted the post to try and please that person. That post was groundbreaking for me in some ways, I really poured it all out and put myself in a very vulnerable place, and in doing so I found freedom in this blog. Like I said earlier, I don’t look forward to doing these posts anymore. I feel like I can’t open up as much anymore because it brings back feelings of guilt and it makes me feel like I need to read through everything I write and think about how anything could possibly be taken the wrong way…

Fuck it. I shouldn’t have to feel this way. If I burn bridges by being me and sharing my experiences, then so be it. Any life experiences of mine that I choose to share on here from now on are my business. I’m not going to be made the bad guy and feel like a piece of shit ever again. If you don’t like what I say on here, then don’t come here to read what I have to say. And if the person I am talking about is reading this, do me a huge favor and never look at my blog again. I am not pathetic and holding onto the past and following your blog. I have moved on, and now it’s time for you to do the same.

OK now that that is over with…

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Yep, that’s right, I moved to Florida with Bob. I dropped some hints on Facebook about the move, but never let everyone know where we were moving to. We have been here for like a week and a half, and have had our own place for about a week. Yes it is hot, and no I don’t like it. I like seasons, and in the Seattle area we definitely got them all. I think not having super cold winters is going to be one of the things I will miss the most. I am actually missing my flannel shirts and jeans. I have never been a big fan of it being hot out, and even though it’s nearly Winter, it is safe to say that I would probably die if it wasn’t for air conditioning. Even now at 11:30pm, in a room off from them living area where the air conditioner is I am sweating and it’s not fun. Bob and I have been checking out the area a bit lately, we went to the mall and walked around today. The city we are in is OK, I mean I’ll be honest and say that we aren’t in the best part of town so we mostly just stay at home, but the mall is pretty big and we aren’t that far from anything. We walked to the grocery store the other day and that was an adventure. I never thought I would live in Florida, but I do like it so far. There is still a lot we have to see and do, but we have a long time for that.

Today I got to play Call of Duty with a good friend of mine for a few hours, it was really nice and brought back a lot of memories. Gaming used to be a major part of my life and in the past few years I stopped playing, but today made me decide that I want to play more. I am hoping to make more gaming friends and have people that are on during the day, because most of my friends list is made up of gamers from the West coast who play at night. I am a lousy player, but I am still having fun which is what it’s all about. I used to be more into the competitive side of gaming and doing tournaments and stuff, but I am finding it more entertaining just to be on a team with people who are just having fun and chatting about random stuff.

What else to talk about LOL. I will admit it, I have been taking shots as I have been writing this post so I am feeling pretty good right now (still sweaty though).

 

I guess I should talk about Bob.

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I never really made a post about him and he is the love of my life so it’s about time you hear his name and start getting used to it. Bob and I met back in May, after my grandma passed away and I ended up moving up to Newmarket Ontario to stay with some friends who wanted to help me out. Bob sent me a friend request on Facebook and I thought he was super handsome and I figured I should make some more Canadian friends while I was up there so I accepted. Bob and I had mutual friends and he had heard about me I guess and he thought that I might have already gone back to the states, but I was still there and we got to talking and immediately I fell in love with him. He is super nice and has a great sense of humor. After I want to say like a week and a half of talking on Facebook messenger Bob asked if we could meet and I of course agreed. We hit it off really well and I guess you can say the rest is history. I was only up in Ontario for about a month, but Bob and I got to spend a few weekends together and honestly the love I felt for him is so big that I knew I didn’t want to lose him so when I had to start looking into moving back to Washington I discussed it with him and we both agreed that we wanted to continue our relationship. The couple that I was staying with was super nice and understanding and they let Bob stay the the night at their place the last night I was up there and then he got to come to the airport and send me off. I have to mention it because it was such a big blow for me, but when we were at the airport I was expecting to have a at least like 10 minutes to say good buys and do kisses and hugs and what not, but literally with in 15 seconds of checking in I was being ushered away by someone who worked at the gate I was at and Bob and I never really got to say good bye and I didn’t get to say good bye and thanks to one of the guys who let me stay at his place while I was up there. Hollywood seriously makes it seem like you can have a somewhat heartfelt moment at the airport, but the D-bag who worked there totally ruined it. I got in some quick hugs and a kiss or two and then I was having to walk away and I can honestly say it felt like I left a part of me there in the airport with Bob and Paul and as I walked away to go through security and customs and stuff I was tearing up. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not good with goodbyes and I never got to have a proper one with Bob and it killed me, there was so much I wanted to say, but in the minute or so we had together I couldn’t find the words. Bob was amazing, he knew that with my anxiety I have a hard time flying and switching gates and stuff at airports so as soon as I touched down during my layover we were on the phone on Skype and he had been following my flight online to make sure everything was going alright and so he could tell me what gate to go to and be a friendly voice to talk to. Side note, Bob has a way of calming me down so much, it’s amazing. Just hearing his voice makes most of my anxiety go away and it helps relax me so much. Anyways long story short I got home to Washington safe and I was staying in hotels for a few weeks and during that time Bob and I first started forming our plan to live together. Over the next 5 months we came up with a plan and that was to live together in Florida. Over that time we talked every single day on the phone and our relationship only grew stronger. We decided to finally decided to pull the trigger and make it a reality in August when he gave 2 months notice to his roommate. Over the next 2 months we fine tuned everything else involved with the move and the finally on Novemeber 14th it became a reality and I flew up to Toronto to be with Bob for a week and a half and then we began the drive down to Florida (stopping for Thanksgiving at his parent house in New Jersey along the way)

I have to admit it, I am pretty drunk right now. I have done like 8 shots so far and my forehead is numb. I should probably get to bed, but I feel like sharing some more LOL OK I found this 100 question thing on the interwebs and think it might be fun. Ignore if you don’t care to hear random crap about me.

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100 Questions

1. How old will you be in five years?
31 years old

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Bobert

3. How tall are you?
5’8

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
(Hopefully) getting my disability payments started

5. What’s the last movie you saw?
The Martian. Such a great movie, Bob and I both really liked it.

6. Who was the last person you called?
My mom

7. Who was the last person to call you?
My mom

8. What was the last text message you received?
A text message from WordPress to reset my password

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voice mail?
The company that supplies me with my CPAP stuff

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
Depends. If it is something quick I prefer text, but if it is something I have to explain I prefer to call.

11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Sleeping

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Single. Never married thank God

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
The day I flew from Sea-Tac airport to Toronto to be with Bob

14. What color are your eyes?
Brown

15. What time did you wake up today?
8ish

16. What are you wearing right now?
Blue socks and brown under armour boxer briefs

17. What is your favorite christmas song?
Rudolph The Red Nosed Raindeer (OMG I’m so drunk)

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
Honestly, and I know this is weird. I like being at Target. Bob and I went to the local Target the other day and it had the same layout as the one I am used to back in Issaquah Washington and it reminded me a lot of home

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
Public restrooms

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?

Centurylink Field for a Home Seahawks game. I have missed there last two games on TV and it is killing me. I miss my Seahawks.

21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
No Idea. Probably Florida or Washington State with Bob.

22. Do you tan or burn?
Burn

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
OK I am being very personal right now so don’t judge, but my dad was pretty abusive towards me growing up and we got into a lot of fights and my big fear at night was that he was going to come into my room and kill me. I once tied string from my wrist to the doorknob so that if someone came into my room when I was sleeping it would wake me up so I could defend myself.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Watching Archer season 5 with Bob last night

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
2

26. How big is your bed?
Queen?

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
Laptop, but it isn’t that good.

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
With just my undies on. I can’t even do socks at night.

29. What color are your sheets?
Tan

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
2 pillows. One for my head, and Mr. Huggie Pillow who I hug at night. True Story.

31. What is your favorite season?
Winter. And go figure I am in Florida of all places.

32. What do you like about fall?
The colors. When I lived with my Grandma I would go for walks at night for exercise and to pray and I would take pictures of the trees with the different color leaves.

33. What do you like about winter?
Honestly, and I know it;s weird, but I always look forward to stepping into a pothole that has frozen over and you get to break the ice.

34. What do you like about the summer?
Going to the beach. I haven’t been to the beach in so long though. I used to go every summer and I miss it. (OK I am going to stop taking shots, I am having a hard time typing and I am not even half way through these questions)

35. What do you like about spring?
The Flowers. If you were to ask me what my favorite thing is it would be mowing the lawn. I hated mowing the lawn back at my grandmas house when the shadow spots were still frozen.

36. How many states provinces have you lived in?
As of a week ago (it’s past midnight) 2, Washington state and Florida.

37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
Issaquah, Ellensburg, Renton, Bellevue, Kent, Woodinville, Redmond, and Lakeland.

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Depends. It’s either Shoes or bare feet. If in public I like shoes. but at home I like bare feet.

39. Are you a social person?
I try to be one, but I fail miserably. I am good at Facebook messenger though.

40. What was the last thing you ate?
A ham and pepper jack cheese sandwich.

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
That’s a tough one. It depends on my mood, if I want all you can eat I want to say Olive Garden, if it’s just a quick dinner I will have to go with Wendys.

42. What is your favorite ice cream?
Vanilla bean ice cream. The kind where you see the black specks in the white ice cream. (OMG I am so drunk… I am only doing these 100 questions for you guys)

43. What is your favorite dessert?
Cheese cake

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Broccoli chedder

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
Grape.

46. Do you like Chinese food?
OMG yes so much
47. Do you like coffee?
So much, but I rarely have it because it costs so much. I stayed at my friends Brian and Don’s house back in February and they had a Keirig coffee maker and I loved a cup of coffee with hazelnut creamer,

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
I drink probably 3 16.9 ounce bottles a day

49. What do you drink in the morning?
Water with some kind of flavoring

50. What non-banking related card in your wallet is the most valuable to you?
I would have to say my ID. I mean duh it;s important

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Left side

52. Do you know how to play poker?
I think I do, but I am sure I would be schooled by anyone that actually knows how to play

53. Do you like to cuddle?
Cuddling is the shit. I ❤ to cuddle

54. Have you ever been to Canada?
yes. Don;t you read my blog

55. Do you have an addictive personality?
I probably do have one

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
Lately it’s been at home more often.

57. What do you miss about highschool, if anything?
Having friends that you see everyday. I miss my graphic design and PE (usually volleyball or basketball) classes a lot.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
Frank Sinatra, does that count?

59. Do you want kids?
Nope, I don’t have the patients for kids (it just took me 3 trys to hit the ‘ button)

60.Do you speak any other languages?
Nope, but I would love to learn Japanese.
61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
I had stitches behind my left ear when I had my second typanpoplasty surgery done

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
To go to Fairfax mental hospital. Twice.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Pool. Don’t have to worry about sand and sharks

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
Window fo sho

65. Do you know how to drive stick?
Ha. I don;t know how to drive period.

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?

I have to say food. I am most leinient with fast food. I know I spelled that wrong sorry

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
Only my promise/engagement ring

68. What is your favorite TV show?
Survivor

69. Can you roll your tongue?
What do you mean

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
I like to think I am funny

71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Nope.

72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?

The Harry Potter theme song

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
Nope

74. What red object is closest to you right now?
My other pair of headphones have red on them and they are on the desk

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
Sadly it depends on if I remember to turn it off.

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed. Open closets are scary closets

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
A bear attack would be something to brag about if you survive

78. Do you flirt a lot?
I don’t think I do, but people say I do

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
BBQ sauce

80. What is your favorite food?
Depends, but I really like chicken sandwiches and pizza

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
As a matter of fact I can bitch

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
No because I don’t drive

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
Never

84. What is your usual bedtime?
9-10pm. Damn it’s 1:27am

85. What was the last book you read?
I am in the middle of reading The Scorch Trials

86. Do you read the newspaper?
Never

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Nope

89. Do you watch soap operas?
No

90. Do you dance in the car?
Sometimes

91. What radio station did you last listen to?
Don’t know

92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you?
Someone Bob knows

93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
Can’t remeber

94. What is your favorite candle scent?
Vanilla

95. What is your favorite board game?
Risk

Where’s 96? here. Ugh so gay

97. When was the last time you attended church?
Like 3 or 4 years ago

98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
My middle school science teacher he was awesome

99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent?
I want to say 5 days

100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?
Bob

 

OMG I am finally done now I can go to sleep. I love you all

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