I’m still here, I swear

Hey there!

Time for a major update. Sorry I’ve been gone for so long, I’ve been busy.

OK where to start? Nintendo- No more,

North Coast Lighting- You better put on your seat belt, here we go 🙂

I was let go from my warehouse job at North Coast Lighting in mid December, and it wan’t pretty how it all went down. I was a general warehouse guy there and picked orders, put items into the system and on to their shelves, did will calls, Amazon orders, and all that fun stuff. The job was a temp job. It was supposed to be Tuesday thru Saturday, with the occasional Monday and some how that turned into 6 day work weeks every week. I was filling in for someone who worked there, but was out for neck surgery and the job was to end in January. I knew pretty soon after I got the job that it wasn’t going to be easy and me being a large man am not the fasted person on the planet. I was starting to really hate the job around the beginning of December because there was tension between my supervisor and I am I knew that I wasn’t fast enough at the job.

Now to the fun part: I was browsing jobs on Craigslist one night and ran across and ad that was posted by the person who hired me and it was to find someone to replace me. About a week later I was let go with a lame “Things aren’t as busy as we thought it’d be so your position isn’t needed anymore” A LIE. They said that I could come in the next day (Thursday) if I wanted too, but that I wouldn’t be needed after that.

I walked out of that warehouse on Wednesday at 4 and the last thing I said to anyone there was that I wouldn’t be coming in the next day because I saw the craigslist ad.

OK I guess that pretty much sums up the important stuff to get you to the here and now for me.

The holidays were great, I had a great time celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas, and what I can remember from New Years was cool.

I am at a pretty important point in my life now, I’m trying to figure out what I want to do for a living. Most people have a general idea of this sometime after high school and I guess I’m a late bloomer due to my disabilities and my SSI case (which I was told many times by various people that I should be accepted for). My OCD is still here, same goes for my anxiety and my bipolar disorder and ADHD. With my last job being Monday thru Saturday I never had the time to go see my psychiatrist and I am out of some of my medications so I guess long story short: I’m dealing with my conditions. It’s not easy, or fun, but I’m trying my best and I’ll admit that at times they sometimes get the better of me, but I’m still here and that’s whats important.

I keep asking myself if I want to give school a shot or if I want to try and find another job and just settle… With how much I have had to overcome in life I would love to just settle, but no I am going to try and go back to school. For what? No clue, maybe graphic design, maybe to become a pharmacist. I have ideas of what I would enjoy and then I have ideas of what would be cool and awesome to be at a family reunion and be able to be like “Oh I am just studying to be a homeland security officer” when someone asks what I’ve been up too. That’d be awesome, great to get to finally feel like people are proud of me. Most people don’t know what I’ve had to overcome, or they have a general idea, but haven’t been thee to see me struggling and getting back up when I fall. I have family members that are around my same age that have a great job or they are off going to college with a scholarship, for the last 6 years I’ve wanted that, no not the scholarship (though I’d take one now) or the fancy job, but the ability to be praised for what they are doing with their lives and make people proud.

That little voice in the back of my head that never seems to shut up is telling me I’m going to fail at going back to school, that it’s never going to work, but you know what? I’m going to still try. If I fail, I fail and I will figure out what to do then, but I’m not going to worry about that now, I need to put everything that I have into this and try my hardest to succeed and maybe I’ll get lucky and make something of myself. I filled out my FAFSA today, and I have a good feeling about it. Maybe school could be a possibility for me.

I just need to put one foot in front of the other and keep trying.

Oh and also as a side note- GO SEAHAWKS!


One response to “I’m still here, I swear

  1. I’m glad you’ve returned to the blogosphere. I have long believed that it’s ok to not know what you’ll be when you grow up. I believe it’s an unreasonable expectation to put on people. The axiom, “figure out what makes you happy, then find a way to get paid to do it” often proves true. If you choose to go back to school, you have a tremendous support structure from your friends and your beautiful partner.

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