To John

This is going to be one of those lame “I love him so much and I’m the luckiest man alive” posts, hopefully none of you mind….

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John William O’Malley, I love you more than words can express. Your not only my boyfriend, but a great role model and my best friend. You have helped me overcome and make it through so many tough things in my life and for that I can never express that enough. I don’t know or even want to think of where I would be right now if you hadn’t come into my life almost a year and a half ago. Days like today are a little rough with both of us working and you having class until late, but just seeing you when you walk in the door and giving you a great big bear hug makes it all worth it. I truly think I am the luckiest man alive for not only finding you but for us having such mutual love for each other. I love the times we laugh, cuddle, have deep conversations about random things, talk about how pur days went, cuddle, and honestly every single second that we spend together. John I love you and I hope you have a perfect day today at work and class and I can’t wait till we both get home so we can snuggle up on the couch and watch some random TV and talk about whatever. I love you so much and just want to thank you for being apart of my life.

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Through the ups and downs, the smiles and frowns, laughs and tears, I have only come to love you more and more. Your the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I want to prove that to you day in and day out for the rest of our lives.

Me, My Stomach, And I

Where to start where to start…

I guess my stomach issues first popped up around mid April of 2012. At first I thought I just had the stomach flu, but after getting sick every morning for a week and not having any other symptoms, I figured it was time to see a doctor. After discussing my symptoms with my doctor I was referred to a GI doctor and within a week she did a biopsy and found that I has signs of gastroesophageal reflux disease (also known as GERD).

A disease? Wow I wasn’t expecting that! So after finding that out I spent the next 4 months trying out new meds and messing with my diet and stuff to try and reduce the amount of times I would get sick. Sadly nothing seemed to help. Sometimes it was one morning a week and other times it was 3 times through out the day for a week straight. No matter what I did I couldn’t seem to manage it.

Eventually I started just dealing with the sickness and knew in the morning that if I just got it over with, then I’d be good for a few hours.

Earlier this year while visiting my grandparents for a couple days I woke up one night to very sharp stomach pain. After about 3 hours of not being g comfortable no matter what I did, I woke up my mom and she ran me into the ER. 5 and a half hours later and some Demerol in my system they sent me home, without doing any kind of scan to see what was going on. Two weeks later I found myself in another GI doctors office this time discussing gallstones, and a week later I was in Seattle meeting with a general surgeon talking about gallbladder removal surgery and having an ultrasound done.

The appointment went great and we scheduled my surgery for 2 weeks later. During that time I re ieved a call from my doctor wanting to do some blood work because I had extremely high liver levels (5,000 times the average level). My next appointment was with a GI doctor who told me that the general surgeon would not do the gallbladder removal surgery until my liver levels were better. My psychiatrist switched up all of my medications hoping to fix the liver levels by doing that and eventually they got better.

After the medication changes my GERD finally settled down and I didn’t need to take medication for it for a while…

Then today happened. My day started like most, very little sleep and running a little late. Then my worst fear happened: I got sick again. It was just like all the times before and it happened again as we were walking to the car. I couldn’t call in sick because I feared that I would be fired and already I felt like I needed to prove myself (read my last blog, it’ll explain everything).

My GERD/gallstones/whatever has always acted up when I’m anxious or nervous and today was my first day back to work on time to have a full day. I kept telling myself as I sat in the lu ch room before work started that I needed to let go of the misunderstanding between the worker and I, but I was still afraid that I was close to getting fired and after showing up late on Friday and being put on standby and then eventually sent home and told that I didn’t need to come in on Monday.

The person that had the issues with me keeps walking by or watching me it feels like, hoping I make a mistake so he can get in my face and humiliate me in front of my fellow coworkers. In so.e ways I hope he will confront me so I can be all BA and have him be humiliated when he takes me to my superiors only to find out that he is totally wrong about me arguing with his workers. But, sadly, I know that I will just pussy out and let him be a dick to me and I won’t stand up for myself because I hate confrontations.

He has had plenty of opportunities to apologize for how he acted, and from what I’ve been told people have informed him that he was mistaken, but he won’t man up I guess, and to be honest I don’t think I could truly accept an apology from someone who disrespected me, humiliated me, and made me feel like crap.

Anyways back toy stomach I guess… I’m really hoping thisornings sickness will just be a one time thing. I’m hoping that the coworker won’t bug me anymore, and I really really hope that my gallbladder won’t start acting up again. I have the general surgeons card in my wallet and I wish I could just call him and be like “OK let’s take my gallbladder out”, but sadly its going to take another gallbladder attack for him to be able to do anything.

If any of my coworkers are reading this please stay away from me in the mornings if you have food, just seeing or smelling it is enough to set me off.